Written by Swansy
Relationship is a good thing and is memorable when you meet the right person but it could be hell on earth when you meet the wrong person.
Hence being in a relationship means to live, to love, to smile, to exist with joy!!There is certainly a way to sort out every difference, you just need the will and the faith strong enough, to make the relationship fruitful. You need to remember, that you enter into a relationship to be happy , and you must be!!
The combination of a successful career, a loving family, and a strong social network may seem like the recipe for a perfect life. However, even those who can check each of those boxes might feel like something is missing—and that “something” is their purpose in life.
“Finding your purpose” is more than just a cliché or a dream that will never be fulfilled. It’s actually a tool for better, happier, healthier life that too few people attempt to use.
WHAT IS A RELATIONSHIP?
“A relationship is a close connection between two people, especially one involving romantic or sexual feelings.” Collins English Dictionary
What it means to be in a relationship:
Being in a relationship is an option which we do choose, to ensure our “Happily ever after life.”
But, with time only the relationship is left behind, with little or no happiness. This happens because we tend to forget what a relationship really means.
Below are what a relationship really means:
1. Having faith, freedom and friendship
You need to have faith. A constant nagging or a skeptical attitude will ruin the relationship. You need to have the freedom to speak for yourself, freedom to follow your heart and the freedom to make your own choices.
2. Giving and getting the time
Women want someone to understand them whereas men often want someone to connect to them through watching a football match or playing video games with them. Hence giving and getting time, is one important aspect of being in a relationship.
3. Being Patience
It takes time to give and get time, so be patient. Accepting your partner with his/her imperfections, needs patience. Things will be perfect, with a little patience. There is no point in having daily fights over routine habits of your partner. He/she needs time to change himself/herself.
4. Being Able to Share
Sharing feelings, emotions, finances, thoughts, words and actions enables you to spend some quality time with your partner. This makes you feel complete in your own world of two people. When you share, you connect. When you connect, then the relationship begins.
5. Being the Strength
Everyone has a time in life when they feel low. This is when being with your partner makes you stronger. When someone believes in you, when someone motivates you, inspires you, strengthens you, then you realize what being in a relationship really means. It means being stronger together, living as a team.
Being in relationship means being in love. Love means acceptance : Praise the good, accept the flaws and provide the inspiration to change. Love is neither a moment nor a feeling, it is the existence of togetherness.
7. Being yourself
You don’t need to act or be someone else just to impress your partner. Being in a relationship means being yourself. Everyone is different and being in a relation allows you to celebrate the mutual difference!
8. Being the best version of yourself
Being in a relationship means that your partner not only accepts you the way you are, but also inspires you to be the best version of yourself. Most of the successful people owe their success to the daily inspirations provided to them by their partners
9. Allowing yourselves to miss each other
Go for a vacation with your friends, Find time for your own passions. Being together 24/7 doesn’t help much because it is important that you allow yourself to miss your partner.
10. Being an individual
Have your own identity. Don’t be afraid to try new things just because your partner is not there with you. Have your own identity. This will allow you to share a different perspective with your partner. Life is interesting only because of the differences and the individuality.
Nowadays though there are men that play it safe all the time, meeting a girl they like, being simply friendly and never being able to produce any other results than just being friends, they cannot push the interaction in a way in which he could build attraction. He does not tease or banter, just focuses on being really nice and polite and never able to risk the interaction. This is what a boy does, he just acts the way everyone expects him to. Now a man lives by his own standards and is not afraid to express himself, he rules his own life and has his own moral standing, conformity to society may play some role here but not completely over taking his sense of self, he knows when and where to exert the energy that will set him in a higher position, whether it be socially, work related, or just in his personal life. Simply put though, realtions in terms of guys to girl should be set to “man to woman.” Never friend to girl if the guy is interested. This rule does not always have to be in a dating sense but usually applies to dating.
Loving each other is when your feelings, thoughts, opinions, values and needs truly matter to one another. Being in love with someone is generally when you feel deep attraction for each other and have those lovebirdy and butterfly feelings (chemistry) for each other.
A girl and a boy can maintain their relationship with the conditions that both of them are compatible, interested in each other emotionally, mentally and sexually, they like each other and getting along with each other well, otherwise there is no relationship or connections between them.
All the gifts and romantic moments are nice, but they are really just icing on the cake.
Below are what a girl needs from her partner:
She needs to know he thinks she’s beautiful: Deep at the core of every woman is the desire to know that she is beautiful, valuable and worthy to be pursued.
Be generous with compliments: Compliment her when she is dolled-up and compliment her when she is in everyday clothes with little makeup. (Be sure these compliments are done in a gentleman-type way and not with sexual overtones.)
Girls want their guys to stand by their side and not leave them alone: No matter what the situation she wants you to be with her.
My boyfriend always encourage me to be the better version of me and he is always by my side.
I remember in the University back then, I used to speak some bad English looking at my kind of parenting and the community in which I grew up from. My boyfriend always correct my grammar and that challenged me to work on my grammar and today I could speak better English, all thanks to him.
Encourage her in her gifts and talents: Help her recognise things that she is good at. Be vocal about your support of her. Speak well of her privately and publicly.
My boyfriend always does the above mentioned. He will say babe you’re good and he will say why not put more energy in that to achieve better result?. He sometimes recommends books for me to read. This is how far my partner goes to see that I am better.
She needs transparent conversation (Honesty): Girls desire that their boyfriends be honest when communicating feelings, expectations and boundaries. When you take the lead in honest communication with your girl, you help her guard her heart.
Girls want to connect with your heart: She wants to know what you are thinking about. She wants to know your dreams and aspirations.
Listen to her: A girl is happy when her boyfriend takes the time to listen to what she has to say. She wants a patient ear to share her day at work, her interests, and her successes and disappointments. Listening to your girlfriend is an opportunity to get to know her better as a person.
I am lucky I have a man who does these to me, he always give listening ears even when what I was talking about doesn’t make sense to him.
Girls like guys who pushes them to follow their dreams: Girls look for guys who support them. When you don’t support your girl to pursue her dreams and she peradventure meets the one who encourages her, she will dump you for the one who encouraged her.
Stop talking extensively with other girls: You do not need to continue casually texting or communicating with old flames or girls who are “just friends” if you really are interested in exclusively dating your girlfriend.
Be a man of your word in all spheres of life: Don’t drop plans because a better opportunity came up. And as much as possible, don’t back out on your commitments. When you follow through on your commitments within your dating relationship and in other commitments, it brings trust and security into your relationship.
Alot of men are guilty of this, especially the unserious ones who change immediately like chameleon after they have gotten what they want from their partner.
Girls wants their guys to respect them and their decisions: This is the quality every girl wants in their boyfriend.
Girls want their guys to make some time for them:
Every girl wants her boyfriend to make out time for her, despite of his busy schedule. That will command respect for her partner.
Girls want their guys to be open minded: Guys should not be conservative. They should give space to their girlfriends. They should not be over-possessive.
WHAT IS A PURPOSE?
Your life purpose consists of the central motivating aims of your life—the reasons you get up in the morning.
Purpose can guide life decisions, influence behavior, shape goals, offer a sense of direction, and create meaning. For some people, purpose is singing, writing, satisfying work. For others, their purpose lies in their responsibilities to their family or friends. Others seek meaning through spirituality or religious beliefs. Some people may find their purpose clearly expressed in all these aspects of life.
Purpose will be unique for everyone; what you identify as your path may be different from others. What’s more, your purpose can actually shift and change throughout life in response to the evolving priorities and fluctuations of your own experiences.
When you find purpose in what you enjoy doing, you will automatically see that its brings you the firm you so desire, the millions you crave to own, the popularity you wish to have.
A typical example is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, she found purpose in writing and today she is one of the wealthiest woman in Nigeria. Solomon Lange found purpose in singing and today he is a million. Is it Sinach, the international gospel musician whom have found purpose in singing and today she is globetrotting because of her brand of music or is it Bishop Oyedepo whom have found purpose in preaching the gospel and today he is one of the richest pastors in the world, etc.
I wish I discover my purpose early, I wouldn’t be here by now but not withstanding, it’s not too late.
STEPS TO FINDING YOURS PURPOSE
Why Do You Need a Sense of Purpose?
A 2010 study published in Applied Psychology found that individuals with high levels of eudemonic well-being—which involves having a sense of purpose along with a sense of control and a feeling like what you do is worthwhile—tend to live longer. Other researchers found that well-being might be protective for health maintenance. In that research, people with the strongest well-being were 30 percent less likely to die during the eight-and-a-half-year follow-up period.
There’s also research that links feeling as if you have a sense of purpose to positive health outcomes, such as fewer strokes and heart attacks, better sleep, and a lower risk of dementia and disabilities.
A 2016 study published in the Journal of Research and Personality found that individuals who feel a sense of purpose make more money than individuals who feel as though their work lacks meaning.
So the good news is, you don’t have to choose between having wealth and living a meaningful life. You might find the more purpose you have, the more money you’ll earn.
With all of those benefits, it’s clear that it’s important to find purpose and meaning in your life. But purpose and meaning is not something that can be determined quickly.
The process requires plenty of self-reflection, listening to others, and finding where your passions lie. These seven strategies can help you reveal or find your purpose so you can begin living a more meaningful life.
1. Donate Time, Money, or Talent
Finding your purpose in life has many benefits.
If there’s just one habit you can create to help you find your purpose, it would be helping others.
Researchers at Florida State University and Stanford found that happiness and meaningfulness had overlap but were different: Happiness was linked to being a taker before a giver, whereas meaningfulness went more with being a giver than a taker. Being the “giver” in a relationship connected people with having a more purposeful life.
Altruistic behaviors could include volunteering for a nonprofit organization, donating money to causes you care about, or simply helping out the people around you on a day-to-day basis.
Whether you decide to spend two Saturdays a month serving meals in a soup kitchen, or you volunteer to drive your elderly neighbor to the grocery store once a week, doing something kind for others can make you feel as though your life has meaning.
As a person, I hardly go out but when I hear that there will be protest against injustice, you will see me there without wasting time and I enjoy doing that. Or where volunteers are needed for a kind gesture for example during the killings in southern Kaduna, I volunteered my resource and time to help.
2. Listen to Feedback
It can be hard to recognize the things you feel passionate about sometimes. After all, you probably like to do many different things and the things you love to do may have become so ingrained in your life that you don’t realize how important those things are.
Fortunately, other people might be able to give you some insight. There’s a good chance you’re already displaying your passion and purpose to those around you without even realizing it.
You might choose to reach out to people and ask what reminds them of you or what they think of you when you enter their mind. Or you might take note when someone pays you a compliment or makes an observation about you. Write those observations down and look for patterns.
Whether people think of you as “a great entertainer” or they say “you have a passion for fighting injustices,” hearing others say what they notice about you might reinforce some of the passions you’ve already been engaging in.
3. Surround Yourself With Positive People
As the saying goes, you are the company you keep. What do you have in common with the people who you choose to be around?
Don’t think about co-workers or family members you feel obligated to see. Think about the people you choose to spend time with outside of work and outside of family functions.
The people you surround yourself with say something about you. If you’re surrounded by people who are making positive change, you might draw from their inspiration.
On the other hand, if the people around you are negative individuals who drag you down, you might want to make some changes. It’s hard to feel passionate and purposeful when you’re surrounded by people who aren’t interested in making positive contributions.
4. Start Conversations With New People
It’s easy to browse social media while you’re alone on the subway or sitting at a bar waiting for a friend. Resist that urge. Instead, take the time to talk to the people around you.
Ask them if they are working on any projects or what they like to do for fun. Talk to them about organizations with which they are involved or if they like to donate to any particular cause.
Even though striking up conversations with strangers may feel awkward at first, talking to people outside of your immediate social circle can open your eyes to activities, causes or career opportunities that you never even knew existed.
You might discover new activities to explore or different places to visit. And those activities might be key to helping you find your purpose.
5. Explore Your Interests
Is there a topic that you are regularly talking about in a Facebook status update or in a Tweet? Are you regularly sharing articles about climate change or refugees?
Are there pictures on Instagram of you engaging in a particular activity over and over, such as gardening or performing?
Consider the conversations you enjoy holding with people the most when you’re meeting face-to-face. Do you like talking about history? Or do you prefer sharing the latest money-saving tips you discovered?
The things you like to talk about and the things you enjoy sharing on social media may reveal the things that give you purpose in life.
6. Consider Injustices That Bother You
Many people have their pet causes or passion projects that surround an injustice in the world. Is there anything that makes you so deeply unhappy to think about that it bothers you to the core?
It might be animal welfare, a particular civil rights issue or childhood obesity organizations. Perhaps the idea of senior citizens spending the holidays alone makes you weepy or you think that substance abusers need more rehabilitation opportunities—the organizations are out there, and they need your help.
You don’t necessarily have to engage in your purpose full-time. You might find your career gives you the ability to afford to help a cause you feel passionate about. Or, you might find that you are able to donate time—as opposed to money—to give to a cause that you believe in.
7. Discover What You Love to Do
On the other end of the spectrum, simply thinking about what you truly love to do can help you find your purpose as well.
Do you absolutely love musical theater? Your skills might be best put to use in a way that brings live performances to children who can benefit from exposure to the arts.
Is analyzing data something that you actually find fun? Any number of groups could find that skill to be an invaluable asset.
Consider what type of skills, talents, and passions you bring to the table. Then, brainstorm how you might turn your passion into something meaningful to you.
Finding your purpose isn’t something that can be done in a few days, weeks or months. It can be a lifelong journey, and it can only be done one step at a time.
You also might find that your purpose changes over time. Perhaps you liked working with animals in your youth but now you want to join forces with a cause that fights human trafficking. You can definitely have more than one purpose, too.
Keep in mind your purpose doesn’t necessarily mean you have to change what you’re doing already. If you’re a hairstylists, you might decide your purpose in life is to help others look beautiful.
If you work as a school custodian, you might find your purpose is creating an environment that helps children learn.
Occasionally, you might want to pause what you’re doing and reflect on whether you feel like the path you are on is taking you in the direction you want to go. If it’s not, then you can change course. Sometimes that road to finding your purpose has a few curves, forks, and stop lights.
Balancing Relationship and Purpose
Some girls forgo their goals to be with their partner.
Pursue their goals at the expense of their relationship, or
Find a mid-point where they can pursue some of their goals and still be with their partner at the same time.
Options 1 and 2 are unsustainable, because a win-lose or lose-win scenario will always result in lose-lose in the end.
For Option 1, if you forgo your goals to be with your partner, you will only find yourself deeply unhappy due to unfulfilled inner desires, which will result in unspoken pressure on the relationship. Even if you are completely okay forsaking your goals, you turning back on your goals will prevent you from attaining self-actualization, which prevents you from giving your best to the relationship, hence shortchanging your partner of the best you.
For Option 2, pursuing your goals at the expense of your relationship will prevent your relationship from thriving, since you won’t be dedicating your full time/energy to it. Even if the relationship remains afloat, it will only be a functional relationship (where two people stay together for companionship), rather than a synergistic relationship where both people blossom together. Your partner may also feel neglected and ask for a breakup, which is what happened to someone I know—he lost his girlfriend after years of neglecting his relationship in the name of pursuing his goals.
While Option 3 might seem like a viable option, it is actually a sub-optimal one as well. While you may look like you are meeting both your needs and your relationship’s needs, you are really just straddling mid-way, where you do a little bit of both without getting the best of each area. You will soon find yourself stretched between two ends, feeling strained and possibly jaded.
The following will help in balancing relationship and purpose:
Whether it’s the time you each leave the office, or how often you work from home, make sure you communicate and set clear expectations about how your relationship will not interfere into your purpose in life. Make a rule that you will not call each other while busy at work or at your ministry.
Make out time for each other
It’s important to create regular time to spend together. You can make special moments out of running errands or perhaps you exercise every Saturday together. You can also try scheduling a date night for every friday that can’t be rescheduled. The point is to find quality time together to look forward to.
My boyfriend and I have set aside a day that we do all the video calls since it’s a long distance relationship because we don’t want our relationship to interfere with our purpose in life. He is a very busy man who has only a day in a week to rest and I also.
Include your partner in your work process rather than work in silo
Examples would be to update him on things you’re working on, sharing of your latest projects, and getting feedback. Your intention is to involve him in this intimate part of your life which would naturally bring you two closer together (and grow the relationship in the process). Furthermore, hearing his input (when he has thoughts to share) let you understand him better (which again, grows the relationship) and helps you consider perspectives which you have not considered before (hence helping you grow in your work).
Have a concrete, daily work plan
Creating a concrete, daily work plan would help you to be more focused and productive at work, of which the positive effects will spill over to your relationship. This daily planning would also ensure that you would have time set aside for your relationship every day.
Notice that all four steps above do not result in a compromise of either your purpose in life or your relationship; they result in a boost of both purpose and your relationship.